I have promised multiple people that if I ever use the word “fellatio” or some variation of “fellatio” in Scrabble for a 69-point score that I would physically walk away from the table and never play again. On Monday, playing my computer, I laid down “fellated” for 66. Close call.
I have played more Scrabble than any other game in my life. In fact, if you added up all the Scrabble I’ve played in the last three years it would probably be more than all the other game playing in my life combined. In those years I’ve gone from knowing the basic two-letter words and praying to get one seven-letter “bingo” before my death to memorizing all the two-letter words (including “et,” “qi” and “od”) and routinely using two or more bingos a game. If I wanted to memorize more word lists I could become an expert, but nothing seems drier or less profitable than such an effort.
Still, I’d have a hard time walking away for good. As annoying as Scrabble can be, as reliant on the dumb luck of tile draw and knowledge of never-used words (have you used “buqsha” in a sentence lately?), even so, not much beats laying down one of those big seven- or eight-letter words and seeing your point total explode. I’m glad my 69-point fellatio decided to wait another day.
